“The divorce was officially referred to in our house as "the war." If something was gone and missing it was "oh well, we lost it in the war." Amy
This is the fourth in a series of blogs on this topic
Children of divorce may feel like they have two separate identities. The child may behave or act a certain way depending on which parent he or she is with at the time. Given the freedom to make their own rules, parents are setting up their homes the way they wish to for the first time. They may create new rules about bed time, what to eat, what chores children do, etc. and this may vastly differ in each home. Children need to navigate their new landscape and understand what is expected of them in both of their homes. In this blog, I wanted to look at how adult children of divorce felt in regards to divided loyalty between their parents and whether they felt they had to take sides with one parent or another.
This is the third in a series of blogs on this topic.
In my first blog of this series, I wrote about how parents told their children about the divorce (from the adult child's perspective) and how it felt to have divorced parents. In the second blog, I asked people what was the most difficult situation they faced as a result of their parents’ divorce. Today we look at the positive outcomes of divorce as felt by the adult children of divorce.
If couples are unhappy in a marriage, then perhaps the divorce can bring some positive to their lives and the lives of their children. The majority of people in my survey felt that some good had come out their parents' divorce. Four of the families got away from violent situations, five said there was less tension in their parents’ relationship with less fighting, and fourteen wrote about a parent finding new love, relationships, and/or marriage.
Jonathan said, “Maybe, by them getting a divorce,...
This is the second in a series of blogs on this topic.
In the first blog of this series, I wrote about how parents told their children about the divorce (from the adult child's perspective) and how it felt to have divorced parents.
As I mentioned, I am a teacher for the court-required parent education classes for divorcing or never-married parents. The goal of the class is not to teach people how to parent but how to co-parent with their ex-partner. I liken the relationship to one of a business relationship and stress the importance of respect in communication. Statistics show that 75% of children of divorce do fine, but the other 25% are directly affected by their parents’ level of conflict post-divorce. I remind people that if they disparage the child’s other parent, it’s as though they are taking a direct hit on their own child.
I asked people what was the most difficult situation they faced as a result of their parents’ divorc...