Let’s talk about the holidays- if you are going through a divorce, the holidays can be an emotional time for you. Whether it’s your first year without your kids, or the 10th year without them, it’s difficult to face the holidays alone.

If it’s the first year you may be feeling isolated and alone. You might worry that your kids are going to miss you. Preparation is key.

Here are 10 tips for spending the holidays alone:

  1. If you won’t have your kids with you, ask your family to alert other guests so you don’t have to answer over and over about where they are- or have your Aunt Alice say, “Aren’t you lucky to have a kid- free day!”

  2. Bring your own car. If it gets too emotional for you, you can leave.

  3. Have 3 friends on speed- dial; they will be your lifeline if you need support.

  4. Set up a time to talk or text with your kids so they know you’re thinking of them while you are separate.

  5. Have a plan- don’t stay home and...

“The divorce was officially referred to in our house as "the war." If something was gone and missing it was "oh well, we lost it in the war." Amy

This is the fourth in a series of blogs on this topic

Children of divorce may feel like they have two separate identities.  The child may behave or act a certain way depending on which parent he or she is with at the time.  Given the freedom to make their own rules, parents are setting up their homes the way they wish to for the first time.  They may create new rules about bed time, what to eat, what chores children do, etc. and this may vastly differ in each home.  Children need to navigate their new landscape and understand what is expected of them in both of their homes.  In this blog, I wanted to look at how adult children of divorce felt in regards to divided loyalty between their parents and whether they felt they had to take sides with one parent or another.

For...

This is the second in a series of blogs on this topic.

In the first blog of this series, I wrote about how parents told their children about the divorce (from the adult child's perspective) and how it felt to have divorced parents.

As I mentioned, I am a teacher for the court-required parent education classes for divorcing or never-married parents. The goal of the class is not to teach people how to parent but how to co-parent with their ex-partner.  I liken the relationship to one of a business relationship and stress the importance of respect in communication. Statistics show that 75% of children of divorce do fine, but the other 25% are directly affected by their parents’ level of conflict post-divorce. I remind people that if they disparage the child’s other parent, it’s as though they are taking a direct hit on their own child.

I asked people what was the most difficult situation they faced as a result of their parents’ divorc...

October 7, 2016

“It doesn't matter how old you are when parents divorce, in my opinion. It's always painful. It's a break, a rift, a severing of what was…” Lisa

This is the first in a series of blogs on this topic.

In Massachusetts, parents going through a divorce are required to take a parenting class. I’ve been teaching this class one to two times a month for the last year and I find that when I share with the participants that I’m a child of divorce, and have been for 45 years, they have a lot of questions for me. They want to know if their children are going to be okay, how long does it take to adjust, what can they do to make it work for their children, etc. These questions inspired me to ask questions of other adult children of divorce in the hope that parents getting divorced can learn from all of our experiences.

I had close to 50 respondents answer my questionnaire and they are different ages, from different backgrounds, live in all parts...

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