Let’s talk about the holidays- if you are going through a divorce, the holidays can be an emotional time for you. Whether it’s your first year without your kids, or the 10th year without them, it’s difficult to face the holidays alone.
If it’s the first year you may be feeling isolated and alone. You might worry that your kids are going to miss you. Preparation is key.
Here are 10 tips for spending the holidays alone:
If you won’t have your kids with you, ask your family to alert other guests so you don’t have to answer over and over about where they are- or have your Aunt Alice say, “Aren’t you lucky to have a kid- free day!”
Bring your own car. If it gets too emotional for you, you can leave.
Have 3 friends on speed- dial; they will be your lifeline if you need support.
Set up a time to talk or text with your kids so they know you’re thinking of them while you are separate.
This is the 6th in a series of blogs on this topic.
This has been a tough blog for me to write. Every time I schedule time to write about “Parentification”, something comes up and I’m grateful for the distraction. I think it’s because the idea came from the realization that my siblings and I often play a “parenting role” with each other. It can be easier to rely on your sibling and not have to choose a parent for guidance. It wasn’t a question on my original survey so I revisited with some people to find out if they felt that they had taken on this role in their family.
In the Parenting class I teach, we talk about “Child Support” and we’re not talking about money. In this case, we’re cautioning parents against relying on their kids for emotional support. When kids see parents hurting, it’s a natural instinct to want to help. A child may cancel their weekend plans to stay home with a parent who is sad. Parents need to fi...
This is the fifth in a series of blogs on this topic.
In my last blog, I wrote about children of divorce taking sides with one parent over the other. In addition to taking sides, many children feel “caught in the middle” of their parents. For others, there’s the feeling of being pulled between their parents.
Being caught in the middle includes hearing one parent complain about the other. When a child (or a grownup) hears their parent being disparaged, it’s like they are being criticized themselves.
Eric shared, “Hearing complaints from one about the behavior of the other was never nice. It puts you in an impossible position to hear them out while not wanting to at all.”
Stacey lived in the middle of the anger, “When I was with my father, he would talk sh*t about my mom. When I got home, if I had fun with my father, my mom called him Disneyland Dad and got mad at us. She would bad mouth him and vice versa.”
“The divorce was officially referred to in our house as "the war." If something was gone and missing it was "oh well, we lost it in the war." Amy
This is the fourth in a series of blogs on this topic
Children of divorce may feel like they have two separate identities. The child may behave or act a certain way depending on which parent he or she is with at the time. Given the freedom to make their own rules, parents are setting up their homes the way they wish to for the first time. They may create new rules about bed time, what to eat, what chores children do, etc. and this may vastly differ in each home. Children need to navigate their new landscape and understand what is expected of them in both of their homes. In this blog, I wanted to look at how adult children of divorce felt in regards to divided loyalty between their parents and whether they felt they had to take sides with one parent or another.